Falling in love is one of the sweetest experiences anyone can have. But the problem is that most of us tend to rush into relationships without knowing exactly what we want out of it. While some desire love, care, a sense of belonging, security and the like in relationships, others want financial dependency, sexual satisfaction, social standing and popularity to mention but a few. What really is the essence of going into a relationship or having someone you love and who loves you back? Well, I think that has to be defined individually because, what A may want out of a relationship with B, might not be the same as what C may want out of a relationship with D. Whatever your reason is, it is important to define your relationship from the onset and be sure it is healthy enough for you to feel safe or else, you might end up as another victim of an abusive relationship.
Abusive relationships are not limited to physical violence. It can be sexual, emotional, physical or financial. It can damage one’s life, both physically and mentally, leaving the persons oblivious of when to walk away. The ugly part of this is that you cannot tell an abusive partner by looks. People opine that only the bad guys can be abusive but that is far from the truth. Abusers can be the supposedly good guys in school or the guy next door, the cute quiet or even the popular guy. They are usually the persons people don’t expect. They could be really charming at first until they finally have you in their net.
You may be in an abusive relationship if:
- Your partner tries to control your behavior.
- Your partner is overly possessive and easily angered or hard to please
- Your partner easily gets jealous
- Your partner humiliates or insults you in public or even in private
- Your partner always makes you feel confused without definite explanation
- Your partner makes you feel worthless and not good enough
- Your partner threatens you or the people you love
- Your partner compares you with others
- Your partner makes you feel scared
- Your partner abuses you physically and sexually
- You are afraid of your partner when they are angry
- You are afraid to disagree
Some reasons why people stay in abusive relationships may include: Fear of what might happen if they leave, hope/belief that partner will change which often resulting from manipulative tactics by the abuser, believe that their partner’s actions are normal, low self-esteem, if the girl truly loves him, reliance on the abusive partner .
No one deserves to be in a relationship where they don’t feel safe. Most people wonder why persons in abusive relationship wouldn’t just leave. It may be hard to accept, the reality is that breaking up can be more complicated than it seems.
However, hard truth is that we need to carefully think things through and walk away when it becomes the best option to avoid further pains and depression especially when our efforts become our weakness.
Realizing that you have right to be treated with respect and not be physically or emotionally harmed by another person is the first and most important step in getting out of an abusive relationship.
On How to Know When to Call It Quits in a Relationship is a topic for another day but we all must understand as the saying goes ”It takes two to tango” emphasizing it takes the effort of both parties for a relationship to work.
You can send your life experiences to firstname.lastname@example.org for guidance.